Aversion to April

I may be developing an aversion to the month of April, not the giraffe.  I find giraffes to be particularly delightful.  But I digress . . .

I took April 13th and 14th off from work with the intention of, for lack of better words, getting my shit together.  The getting my shit together umbrella was to include: start running again, get all the housework caught up, catch up on swap-bot swaps, return sendsomething.net mail, catch up on pen pal letters, get the grocery shopping done, etc.  So, what happened?  For the most part, I nailed it!  Thursday the 13th – Easter Sunday I achieved my Fitbit goal each day, the house looked as immaculate as it can during projects season, and I finished the perler portrait I created for my best friend.  I was also a snail mail creating machine.  And then . . . Monday happened . . .  dun dun dun (that is to be read to the tune of ominous music).

During the warmer months, I become far more active.  Therefore, I sweat considerably more.  So, I tried a new facial cleanser that would help combat all the wonderful side effects of sweating heavily.  Well, Nicolas Cage and John Travolta have got nothing on me (this is a Face/Off reference for all of you pop culture gurus).  The purifying cleanser, its accompanying renewing toner, and the repairing lotion caused a severe allergic reaction; my eyes were swollen closed for several days, and it essentially burned my face off.  My face is now as smooth as a brand new baby’s bum, but that is because my original face sloughed off throughout the week.  I missed the entire week of work because not only was I considerably hideous in appearance, my level of discomfort was . . . well, uncomfortable.  Throw in the side effects of a body pumped chock-full of Benadryl and Claritin . . . that was . . . not what I would consider a fantastic experience either.  SO, despite all of my efforts to become and remain physically active and productive, it was short lived.

Today is Sunday the 23rd, and I return to work tomorrow.  I was gung-ho for today because I fully intended to get some raking done and add some miles to my ASICS.  That was until the most recent mishap . . .

Just moments ago, my parents’ boxer, Gracie, got a case of what we have lovingly dubbed “the zoomies.”  Zoomies def: when a boxer runs and runs and runs, at full speed, in circles around you.  It’s what Gracie does, especially during spring, and it is normally quite manageable, but today, she strayed from the circular pattern and tugged so hard on her leash that  I was down before I even knew I was going down.  Nothing on my body is broken, and my face was not harmed, but I do have some lovely parting prizes just for playing.  On my left hand, my palm and pinky and ring fingers are . . . torn open.  My left elbow, right knee, ankles, and toes are scraped and bloody.  The grand prize, however, is my left leg.  From knee to shin is a compilation of scrapes, skinless patches, and bloodiness.  I shall be the proud owner of some bad-ass bruises in a matter of hours.

Now may be an appropriate time to begin concocting a fiblet about a roller derby  match gone awry.  I mean, getting these injuries from one of the gentlest, most loving dogs I have ever known is just the sort of irony that quite accurately depicts what it is like to be me, but let’s be honest . . . it makes for a rather anticlimactic story.  The point of this entire reminiscence with the past week and a half of my life?  No matter how “together” I get myself, and no matter how hard I work toward goals, small and large alike, these sorts of things constantly creep up, or in this case, ZOOM in.  So, I may not end up going running today because . . . well, OW.  But I’m not discouraged.  Once I picked myself up off the pavement and took an inventory of all of my still fully intact bones, I laughed!  I laughed and laughed and laughed . . . because this is what it is like to be me, and after 32 years, it’s better to accept that this is just the way it is and likely always will be.

Life can only knock me down, but it cannot hold me down.  It is up to me to get back up. 🙂

SO, perhaps a slow, gentle walk with my own dog is in the near future.  I can still get out there, I just need to modify my original intentions.  🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Scale Down

From the time I began my journey of weight loss, traveling along the path toward a goal weight, I have tortured myself with the scale.  Perhaps “tortured” is too strong of a word, but there are indeed some days where it has felt as such.

For the month of March, I put my scale away.  I made it the entire month without stepping on that evil number machine!  Well, 28 days to be exact, but that is a month if you round up.  (Hey, math is hard!).

Unfortunately, since I ever so reluctantly placed my feet upon the scale nine days ago, I have succumbed to my former habits, my previous ways.  Old habits being weighing myself in the morning and again at night.  The rational portion of my brain knows that this is completely and utterly counterproductive if not self-defeatist.

The good news is, though I have been lackadaisically counting calories and spent most of February and March nearly sedentary, I maintained my weight.  The bad news is, I clearly have some self-control issues, revolving around my scale, that I need to address.  The mediocre news is that I am now weighing three pounds heavier than I was the day prior.  Again, the rational portion of my brain knows that I did not gain three pounds during the overnight hours so I will not become overly distraught. The bad news is that I have more hard work, far more hard work than I had anticipated, ahead.

The good,  the mediocre, and the bad news: I have 16 pounds until I reach my goal weight.  Why this is good: 16 pounds compared to what I’ve already lost is definitely doable; it’s so feasible!  Why this is mediocre:  16 is a higher number than I wanted to be faced with, especially four months into this year.  However, I know that with some newfound dedication, I can reach my personal finish line.  I just need to tap into my previous level of commitment.  Why this is bad:  I find that I am discouraged, and there is a very real piece of my personality that tends to stop trying, to give up, when I am discouraged and / or disappointed in myself.

Step 1: scale down.  It is time to put my scale away, yet again, and stop defining myself and my progress based on its numbers.  The scale shall not make an appearance for the remainder of April.

Step 2: put myself first.  My most successful months were those when I put myself before all else.  The housework, the cooking, and all other adulting demands waited until after I spent my time in the gym.  I have to reaffirm that putting myself first is indeed OKay.

Step 3: adjust goal.  I originally strove to be at my goal weight by my birthday.  But now?  Now, I will be happy and content if I reach my goal weight by 2017’s Tough Mountain, which is July 29th.

. . . I can do this!

Picture Perfect

Over the course of the past few years, I have become the anti-photograph type.  I am that pesky individual who covers her face with her hands when a camera is around, demands that pictures be reviewed and / or approved before the photographer even thinks about posting the candid on Facebook, Instagram, and whatever other media sharing / social platform exists, but mostly, I just avoid cameras altogether.  I think I experienced one too many shocks when looking at my own photos, that disbelief and utter disgust when faced with my own face.  “That’s me!?”

I run several 5K events, 10K events, and obstacle courses each summer and autumn, but I expend most of my energy worrying about the pictures, spending copious amounts of time avoiding the cameras, the GoPros, and the seemingly endless sea of cell phones and selfies.  I want to resolve to stop this behavior for 2017’s events.  Admittedly, I did far better during my last two events of 2016 (Color Me Rad (5K) and The Dempsey Challenge (10K)).  I am aware that there remain a plethora of pictures floating around on the event websites, but I am moving on from those, and I will no longer worry about their existence.  I am taking control by including a handful of photos I have recently uncovered.

So, from this point forward, it is my goal to be in at least one photo, taken at each event that I do.  After all, I should be proud of my participation, not hiding from the photographic evidence of it.

Head Hunger Games

Probably the biggest battle in my weight war is what I refer to as “head hunger.”  I’m an emotional eater.  I’m a bored eater.  I’m a sad eater and angry eater, which clearly fall most appropriately under the emotional eater umbrella.  I’m a PMS eater, and most of all, I am a STRESS EATER.

So, what exactly is this head hunger?  Head hunger encompasses all of those times when you’re not hungry, yet you find yourself rooting around in the cupboard for a snack or you’re elbow deep in a chip bag before you even realize that you’ve opened the bag.  Eventually, you realize that your body doesn’t need nor want the food you’re consuming, but something drives you to eat it despite a glimmer of rational thinking regarding your snacking.  That is head hunger, and it’s insidious.

When I started: working out, becoming a runner, eating healthier, drinking more water, and sleeping for more than a handful of hours a night, my body began to change.  Although the afore outlined is hard work, the most difficult task has been changing my thinking, especially in regards to this so-called head hunger.

My biggest battle today is against stress eating head hunger.  I do not feel hunger, and therefore, I do not want to eat.  However, I am currently experiencing a lot of stress, and this is what I mean about the HH being insidious – it’s an old habit, yet the urge to “eat my feelings” is prominent, sneaking into my psyche the moment it saw the slightest opportunity.  Tomorrow may prove to be a pivotal moment in my career, my life.  Unfortunately, due to the nature of my field, I cannot expand beyond that, but anyone who has worked hard for something: something BIG, something MEANINGFUL, something IMPORTANT knows the amount of stress, pressure, and self-doubt that accompanies said work.  In my case, this has been a nearly year long process so I am riddled with the aforementioned (stress, pressure, and self-doubt) nearly twelve-fold.

So yeah, I’m engaged today in a battle against the SEHH.  That battle alone is difficult enough, but to make the battle ever more difficult because hey, it’s Monday after all, there are approximately 100 beautiful cupcakes, slathered with vibrantly colored buttercream frosting, upstairs just screaming for consumption.  The cupcakes always call the most loudly to the cupcake connoisseur!  I keep reminding myself that I will feel better for working through the cravings, the head hunger, than I will feel if I succumb.  In my corner: positive thinking, the will to succeed, the drive to overcome self-sabotage, and it’s still Lent.

. . . I’ve got this!