Irresolute

Irresolute

adjective

showing or feeling hesitancy; uncertain.

Since my 5 miler in NYC, when I boldly chatted up strangers who asked me about the Maine Marathon, I have thought to myself , “I can totally be a Maine Marathon Ambassador!” but now that the application is open, I’m . . . [insert word of the day . . . HERE].  Yes, folks, I am IRRESOLUTE.

Picture this: there is a cartoon runner, an animated version of myself, resting on one of my shoulders encouraging me to apply, to go for it.  I would be a worthwhile ambassador because I exude positive energy, I genuinely enjoy encouraging, supporting, and motivating others, and I am just downright passionate about the event itself.

However, the caricature of a runner lounging on my other shoulder has reminded me how much I would be required to expose myself and my life to hundreds? thousands? of people.  To be an ambassador, I would need to commit to update my IG feed at least twice a week, write two blog posts, update Twitter or Facebook (one of which I would need to register for since I do not have either), lead a discussion at the Maine Marathon Expo, or organize a training session or group run.  I am uncertain that I want to sacrifice my life as a stealth unknown.

With every event I run in, I typically avoid the attention of the photographers and their cumbersome cameras and the TV crews if / when present, but with the ambassador swag, it would be far more difficult to merely coast under the radar, where I typically fly.  I recall how embarrassed I was with how much TV time was allotted to my presence at the 2018 David Payne Memorial Run.

I do have IG, and I do have this here blog, but I think for the most part, I am mostly unknown to my followers and readers, respectively.  Should I be accepted as an ambassador, my photo and full name would be obviously displayed on the Maine Marathon website with links to my social media.  As much as I do enjoy that I have readers and followers, likes and comments, do I really want my thoughts so accessible?  Do I want the people who know me IRL to have an open invitation to the aspects of my existence that I tend to keep private?  I know the irony of this as my blog is by no means privatized, but I have done very little to promote it to friends, relatives, or colleagues.  Though I’m “out there” to some degree, I still bask in anonymity.  Perhaps my hesitancy is purely lack of confidence.

I continue to waffle between “should I” and “should I not?” due to angst around letting myself down.  You see, I tend to be immutably goal-oriented.  So, in October of 2018, I outlined this goal for myself: apply to be an ambassador for the 2019 Maine Marathon.  At this point in time, the expectations and requirements were uncharted.  It is my own rigidity that has left me in turmoil regarding my indecisiveness.

Will I be chiefly disappointed when the ambassadorship application deadline passes without my submission, or will I be predominantly belabored if I were to be selected and expected to be an extrovert and unconstrained with my trifling social media outlets?

If I do not apply, I feel that I have failed to achieve my objective.  Reasonably, I could alter the original goal to one that is less audacious, such as improving my half marathon time.  Ultimately, I ought to extend to myself the acceptance that ambitions and intentions transform.

 

 

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10K + 13.1 = Algebra!

So, as I sit here reflecting on our weekend, I think that you are amazing for doing [two] races.  No normal person [would] do that.  Then I remember . . . this is not the face of a normal person.

The above is a text message, nearly verbatim, that my best friend, Callie, sent to me on the evening of Sunday, September 30th.  There was an attachment with the text . . .  basically, it is photographic evidence that I make ridiculous faces.  I have chosen to exclude this particular picture because it truly is NOT flattering, albeit hilarious.  However, I will indeed include several photos from Sunday, later in my ramblings.

So, in short . . . HOLY SHIT!  I. DID. IT!

I have not been a superstar at finding the time to update this blog as of late (SOOOO, you may be scratching your head thinking to yourself WHAT!?  WHAT DID YOU DO!?  I will loop it back around . . . as I always do!).  Essentially, I have fallen behind in life.  I have not maintained my reading goals, I am woefully behind in responding to pen-pal letters, and I barely have any traveling postcards floating around out there for Postcrossing, so on and so forth.  I also cannot seem to get caught up with the laundry and other, miscellaneous household chores, just adding that extra layer of incompetency to my stew of slackery.  However, although I have not quite been nailing it in the afore outlined areas of my life: blogging, reading, snail mailing, housework, etc., allow me to list for you where I have been slaying it:

  • I tried my hand at creating ATCs, and I have been happy with the outcome!
  • I ran in the 2018 Dempsey Challenge 10K (September 29th, 2018).
    • Not only did I run in the 2018 Dempsey Challenge 10K, I obtained my best 10k time to date.
      • With the love, support, and generosity of family, friends, and even IG and swap-bot friends I’ve never even met in person, I raised $550.99 for the Dempsey Centers.  That is $550.99 dollars that is truly going to help someone (or many someones) engaged in a battle with cancer.
  • I ran my very first half marathon (September 30th, 2018).
    • Not only did I run my first half marathon, I did so the day after I obtained by best 10k time.  I was also informed that my 10k time this day matched that of the day before.  *Shout out to Erin for tracking me and thinking to let me know that tidbit!
  • I signed up for an out-of-state race!
    • I have never run in an event outside of Maine, and though it’s on my bucket list to do so, I’m a bit anxious and nervous at the prospect, but I am also really stoked to follow through!

I found this nifty YouTube video just a few moments ago on the Maine Marathon website.  <~~ This is now a lie.  It was the truth yesterday, when I began the composition of this entry, but it is no longer ‘a few moments ago.’  But I digress!  The video shows the run route via a motor vehicle.  As I watched it, I thought I can’t believe I ran all of this!  Watching this video was an entirely different perspective, and I now brim with pride.  I was proud of myself when I crossed that finish line, but when I truly came to comprehend my accomplishment . . .

I am really freakin’ proud of myself!

Map

Pic6
Callie Stretching
Pic4
I’ve Got To Stretch Too!
Pic5
Maine Marathon Starting Line
Pic9
Callie and I at the Starting Line
Pic3
Sunrise
Pic7
Ocean View
Pic8
Callie and I Crossed the Finish Line!

I am (already) seriously considering running another half marathon . . .

However, I highly doubt that I will (ever) double up on races in one weekend again!  I also doubt that there is the possibility of emulating the feels that accompanied crossing that half marathon finish line for the first time, but it’s a high that I am willing to chase, figuratively speaking, but since I am writing about running, I mean it quite literally too!

 

#juststrong

June 1st.  A new day, a new month, and a new chance to focus (or REfocus) on all of those things I want to progress on.  OH, and it’s National Donut Day, and YES, I accepted a free donut (thank you, Dunkin’)!!  However, I will be gifting my freebie donut to my Dad.  In fact, I may try to see how many I can wrangle up throughout the day.  National Donut Day is also one of the jokiest days of the year around work because . . . Well, you know . . .  cops and donuts.

Image result for national donut day meme

So, it’s on my Day Zero Project (I’m not sure I am quite ready to link in my DZP) to write in my blog at least 50 times throughout the duration of the project.  This is update #3 since I started the DZP in December of 2017, which is just not acceptable.  Hence, my desire to “focus (or REfocus) on all of those things I want to progress on.”  For those of you who are unaware of what Day Zero Project is, quite briefly, it’s 101 goals in 1,001 days.  I have some seriously for serious goals such as: run a half marathon, run 1,001 miles, get to my goal weight, and inspire someone.  I also have some silly ones such as: use an entire tube of Chapstick, color an entire coloring book, get up to 1,000+ followers on my Instagram, and get a 500-point game on Words With Friends.  <~~ I’ve come so close with a 493!

In order to obtain my blogging goal, I may need to shift the focus of my blog.  When I began this one, I loved the idea of having a blog devoted solely to my fitness accomplishments and weight loss journey.  I then attempted to maintain a blog showcasing my incoming and outgoing mail endeavors, a blog for my creative and crafty endeavors, a blog for my creative writing and poetry, and yet another for my basic idiosyncratic blatherings.  However, I think I am going to convert this blog into just one big representative hunk of … ME.  I’m not compartmentalized, why should my shared experiences be?  Not to mention, that is a ridiculous number of blogs to not only attempt to maintain consistently but just to have, period.

So, in keeping on topic regarding DZP, one of my goals was to be selected to represent something . . . vague, right?  I am thrilled to check this goal from my to-do list; I was selected by Just Strong – Clothing for Strong Women as one of their ambassadors!  I began my ambassadorship in April, and it’s a constant reminder to stay motivated because I am now representative of strong women everywhere.  However, I believe that strength is versatile and does not necessarily require being on point every. single. day.  I believe that strength includes getting back up when I trip, when I flat out take a digger and fall, and even when I skin my knee (this is intended to be a metaphor, but seeing as I’m clumsy,  it also applies literally).  Strength is doing better math after a calorie miscalculation.  Strength is striving to make today better than yesterday, even if it’s a small tweak that’s the tipping point.

In addition to the opportunity to #bestrong and surround myself with other strong  and likeminded women, the product itself is amazing!  My tank and cropped hoodie are among some of the best pieces of fitness attire I own (and I have a vast variety of clothing that doesn’t quite fit right, doesn’t stay put, or met my needs briefly, but now, not so much).  Part of my ambassadorship is to promote Just Strong’s clothing line, and since I know that there are a lot of women out there also writing about their fitness goals and accomplishments, I’m extending my 10% discount code to you all, should you happen to stumble upon my blog and be in need of some new and high quality workout clothes.  Simply use code: AMY BLAISD10    upon checkout from juststrong.com  You work hard, treat yourself to some of the best fitness gear you will ever own!juststronglogo

 

Finally, and last mention of my DZP goals for today, follow my blog (goal: at least 10 followers) and my Instagram (60 away from goal)!  Once I move these goals from ‘In Progress’ status to ‘Done’ status, I may host some sort of giveaway, but you’ll have to follow me to find out!