This may be the most adult I have ever been, tbh. Physically, I am clearly a grown-up. Mentally? Eh, not so much. The general joke is that I am 12 due to my undying love for glitter, pink, unicorns, and “kid” crafts. I like perler beads and loom bands and duct tape, but I do some bad@$$ things with these supplies, if I do say so myself.
On the 17th of March, it came to light that I, along with several of my colleagues, were possibly exposed to COVID-19. My anxiety level, due to this Novel Coronavirus, is . . . not great (understatement of the year). I assist in caring for my aged (83) Gma, and my own Mum has chronic illnesses and a compromised immune system; on my most anxious of days, I think that this could wipe out my entire family. My anxiety waxes and wanes, and I assume this is typical for the majority.
Luckily, the man who potentially exposed myself and a handful of others to the virus, he tested negative for Coronavirus. On the afternoon of the 17th, I was dismissed from work, on administrative leave, until further notice. On the 19th, I was informed that the test of the ill was negative, but that I had been assigned to work from home until further notice. How fortunate I am to a) still have my job, b) have the ability to work from home so I do not have to absolutely obliterate my sick and vacation time, and c) remain adequately distant from the public. Of note, I am innately an introvert. Social distancing is second nature to me. In fact, I’m such an introvert and so socially distant, I bet it’s even first nature to me.
On the bright side, for the first time in all of my years, my behavior is socially acceptable! I’m no longer socially awkward because I’m bad at or don’t want to make small talk – I’m respectful of others’ space. No longer am I snobby or bitchy because I don’t want to socialize in a crowd or shake a stranger’s hand – I’m now cautious. This is all tongue in cheek, folks. I know that the virus is serious. If I did not know just how serious COVID-19 is, I wouldn’t have anxiety about it, now would I?
I do feel that the majority of people lie on either end of the spectrum. One end of the spectrum being those who are panic shopping and hoarding, and the other end of the spectrum being those who aren’t worried about Corona because “it’s just a cold.” If the former could dial it back a few notches and the latter could dial it up a few notches, thus the two schools of thought meeting somewhere in the middle, I think we’d all fare better.
. . . but back to my original statement pertaining to my adulting abilities. Working from home means I don’t have to commute one and a half hours each day. Holy newfound free time! Currently, I don’t have to get up at 0400hrs just to complete the morning tasks, get ready, and get to the station by 0700hrs. I showered at 0651hrs this morning, and I was still working by my scheduled start time. During my short breaks, I get the laundry done and / or the dishes done. During my longer break, I get dinner prepared and / or some baking done. My house is spotless and more organized than ever before. I have mastered the art of maintaining a routine, both housework wise and work wise! There are certainly challenges to working from home, but I am getting so much done due to the lack of multiple interruptions, yet I miss those interruptions. Though shy, I think I may be more social than I realized. Although I do tend to be lonely with only my thoughts to keep me company throughout the day, I will never take for granted just how fortunate I am to be working.
Mind you, I am writing this on a day where my anxiety is mild and manageable. My thought process tends to be a little more clouded when my brain is freaking the eff out. BUT even when my thoughts are out of control, I still don’t take for granted my blessings: as of right now, I am healthy, my family is healthy, and my friends are healthy. As of right now, I remain employed. As of right now, I may not have the physical closeness of my IRL friends, but I have some wonderful connections with people I’ve “met” via the interwebs. Finally, the extra time spent with my Radin has been nourishing to my heart and soul, and it seems to benefit him as well because extra potty breaks!
This is a worldwide mess. A complete and utter and absolute shitshow of a mess. It is hard now, and it may be hard for a while yet, but we will get through this. My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced loss due to this virus. My heart goes out to everyone who is experiencing depression, anxiety, and fear. This is damn hard. We will get through this.